Narcissist: The Monster Behind the Mask Paperback
I started writing about my marriage, relationship and divorce to a narcissist in an effort to release the poison from my soul and to free myself of all the ugly memories that I remembered and the ones that I had suppressed. Since finishing my story I realized how essential my memoirs would be to other people who are in narcissistic marriages or relationships that feel completely helpless, hopeless and desolate. I am hopeful that my story, which emphasizes the pain, suffering and psychological warfare endured in living with a narcissist, can help women and men stuck in narcissistic marriages to muster the courage to leave their toxic relationships for the sake of their sanity. I also hope that sharing my insight and experiences with a narcissist might help any single woman or man who sees the same traits and behavior in their partner to think twice about marrying or having children with them, thus saving them years of misery and abuse, as well as sparing the unborn children the same suffering that goes along with it. Victims of narcissism have little to no support system. They have no place to turn because narcissism is so complex and those who have not lived or been married to a narcissist do not understand their wrath. My narcissist husband displayed a fake image to everyone around him; it was hard and still is for most people to believe I was the victim since my husband could be so charming and impressive with everyone else.Along with releasing my pain I wanted to document my suffering so that one day, when my children become adults and I feel that the time is right, I want them to know exactly why I left their father, which at the time left them confused and very hateful towards me. Their immense anger and hate originated from the lies that their father went on to tell them and the fear of me that he implanted in them during our divorce. Classic child abuse / child alienation. While you are reading this book, you might very well wonder why I stayed in my seventeen-year abusive marriage for as long as I did. You may even wonder what was wrong with me. Did I lack self-respect? Did I lack self-esteem? Did I enjoy abusive behavior? No to all. However, during those seventeen years I lost some self-respect, I lost my self-esteem and I learned coping tools to endure the abuse. What I lacked was the knowledge of the psychological brutality and destruction to my soul by choosing a narcissist as my mate. I stayed because I desperately wanted my marriage to work, especially since we had children together. We were a family. I was married to a hard-working, handsome man, we had three wonderful boys, a successful business, a great life, and I was in love with the whole concept of being married and being a family. I didn’t want to be divorced. I didn’t want a broken home for our children. Instead, I lived, admittedly for way too long, in a cold, loveless, and abusive marriage that lacked any emotion, intimacy, sex, or friendship. I did not feel loved, did not feel special and was always walking uncomfortably in his presence as he gazed flirtingly at other women – a chronic issue throughout our marriage. Consequently, I created an image for our marriage to compensate this loss. One that made us look perfect, normal, happy and functional. Sadly, all I was doing was doing was living in a lie. I was terribly unhappy. I was tired of walking on eggshells, tired of pretending to be a happy couple, tired of protecting my boys from his anger and rage, tired of trying to be noticed by him, tired of sharing him with other women, it became one long, tiring, draining and empty existence. I protected the fake image that I had created for years, one that I paid very dearly for in terms of my happiness, my health and later, my children. I married an incredibly handsome man and seventeen years later, I divorced a monster.
